Coming Out

I'd have to say my first crush was most certainly Wonder Woman, err Diana Prince. I didn't want to be Wonder Woman, nope I wanted to hug her- alot! As an adult, I can totally see why Lynda Carter would be the one and the Lasso of the Truth of the matter is that I was most definitely gay.

My favorite childhood movies were The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas and Flashdance. We won't even begin to analyze how inappropriate it is that I was able to watch said films at such an early age, but I am forever grateful for that lack of parental judgement on my parents' part.

I detested dresses, make-up, and instead wanted to wear boys' clothes and play army in the woods. I wanted Hot-Wheels and GI Joes to play with- Lady Jane was my favorite ;) In the 5th grade I wanted spiked hair like Roxette. I instead received a complete buzz cut by a very inexperienced hair dresser, but instead of being upset I relished in having the almost non-existent locks. Unfortunately my father was extremely displeased and we went immediately to purchase a hat and have both of my ears pierced. By the time the 6th grade rolled around I had a freaking perm and although my ears were still pierced I refused to wear earrings in both ears- such a rebel. 

It wasn't until the 8th grade when I really started noticing that I was noticing girls. There was this one that really grabbed my attention and I was scared to death. I always knew I was different, had a quirky personality, bookworm, tom-boy, but the revelation that I was attracted to another girl was something I had to push down. Needless to say I did not come out in high school. In fact the only guy I had any notions of romance with just celebrated his 9yr anniversary with his very male partner. And that girl from the 8th grade, well she's now happily involved with another female- damn I should've trusted my young gay-dar! 

No, I didn't come out until I was in college. Initially I told my best friend whose reaction was to tell me that I was going to Hell. He's the same best friend that just celebrated his 9yr anniversary. But all is forgiven because my coming out helped him with his and he will always be the Will to my Grace, or more like Jack. The next friend I told decided to tell my minister who then also proceeded to tell me that I was going to Hell. It's like the number one answer for homosexuality here in the south. Irregardless I was told to either choose the church or be gay. I tried to explain that it wasn't a choice, and they would no longer be receiving my tithes. Fortunately I had a very dear college professor who told me that I wasn't going to Hell and it allowed me the freedom to to live without fear. When I told my mom it was on Mother's Day. Now that's a gift she'll remember more than flowers. She was not surprised and initially supportive. As she has grown more religious she has opted to say that although she loves me and my partner very much, our way of life is is in God's hands. Ouch, but I will not argue with her if that is what she has to believe to find peace in her heart. Let me be clear, my mom has not wavered in her love for me or my partner, she just struggles with the idea of homosexuality a bit from a religious standpoint. Coming to terms with being gay was one of the hardest things I ever had to do because of the level of intolerance there is. I tried very hard to not be a lesbian. You could even say that I tried to "lay the gay away" because I slept with more men than I care to think about. My nickname was easily 32 flavors because I tried every race and ethnicity.

 Of course I lost some family and friends due to nonacceptance but all in all I have been very fortunate with my coming out experience. However, not everyone is and it was 15yrs ago on October 7th when Matthew Shepard was beat mercilessly and died a few days later. He was "out" and it cost him his life. October 11th is National Coming Out day and it is my hope that if any of you are on the receiving end of someone's coming out, that you will react with compassion and love even if you have issues with the idea of homosexuality. We are people first, then we are gay.