Candy

And so today finds us at Halloween, All Hallows Eve. When I was a kid my mom made me watch the Adam Walsh story which scared the shit out of me and all I could think was don't talk to strangers- but because it's Halloween that gives stranger danger a free pass. Not only do we knock on their doors, we take their candy! I always figured though if someone were to kidnap me they'd bring me back due to my inability to behave. They'd get a much better deal if they took my brother, he was the good child. I couldn't even manage to do trick-or-treating right. When we were about 8 my brother was the ghostbuster and I was the ghost. He had the brown suit and the jet pack (which was a covered cereal box and a dryer hose) while I had a half a sheet thrown over me with randomly placed eye holes. I'm trying not to see the favoritism in this. Anyway, back then after you went out, you then went to the hospital and they would x-ray your candy because what's a little radiation with your ten thousand calories? Of course me not being the child that listened, I just had to keep sneaking candy which I could do successfully due to my sheet so it didn't take long before all of those candy bars began getting to my delicate digestive system. We were sitting in the back seat of the car heading to the next neighborhood when I realized everything I had eaten was going to make a reappearance. So being me, I grabbed my brother's little orange pumpkin and proceeded to toss my cookies, or more like toss my candy in his bucket effectively ruining his Halloween haul. Needless to say that put an end to our evening festivities because there's only so much one of those little pumpkin buckets can hold and well, so much for my brother having the best costume after all. My brother really did get gypped that year because I couldn't even make it up to him by giving him my candy since I had been secretly packing it away all night. I should send him some candy.
And then there was the year that some nut job decided to jump out from the bushes to scare us while we were on the door stoop causing me to urinate. I guess the irony is that I went as a mummy that year and I was wrapped in toilet paper so you'd think I would've been ok. If you can't stand the smell of puke in the car, well sitting beside your urine soaked sister isn't much better. Yeah, I really should send my brother some candy.
Shocker, but Halloween has never been my favorite holiday. Maybe it's because of these two traumatic experiences or maybe it's because my mom gave me the gift of paranoia. I'm literally that person that checks their backseat before getting into the car. And I don't do scary because my bladder is obviously incompetent when it comes to being frightened. However, All Hallows Eve is upon us and I wish everyone a safe and Happy Halloween!