order up

Clearly it was my turn to cook so we found ourselves at a fast food joint. Although I have been trying to learn how to cook I am barely one step above opening a can and heating. Even ramen noodles can be quite tricky for me.
Anyone that knows me knows that I am a terribly picky eater- kind of hard to believe I'd eat fast food, but I had coupons. When I order I always have to alter the dish in some form or fashion. If you've ever seen When Harry Met Sally and remember Meg Ryan ordering- no not that scene- but the one where she's ordering pie, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnlm2e3EN78 well that's me. For example if I order a cheeseburger I have them put ketchup/mustard on it but then I scrape it off because I only want the flavoring of the condiments. I only want the ends of the tomato because I can't stand the seeds or the wet insides. Same goes for pickles. Sometimes I order the burger but have the meat taken off because once again, I just want the flavoring. Other quirks I have are: any meat I east must be super thin, my food can't touch, and I have an unnatural fear of mayonnaise. I seriously tell food establishments that I'm allergic to it so they won't put it anywhere near my food. Hey, everyone has their demons and mine is mayo- don't judge.
It's actually odd that I'm so picky with my food because growing up we were happy with government cheese and anything else food stamps would provide. Tina (my partner) has told me repeatedly how incredibly ridiculous I am with my food idiosyncrasies. One of my favorite cereals is Special K but when it went up to $4 a box she decided to buy the off brand instead. Unbeknownst to me she placed the off brand in an empty Special K box and don't you know I was looking all over that damn box for the words "New & Improved" because I couldn't figure out what Kellogg's had done to make their cereal so much better. She had her fun watching and listening to me go on about how happy I was Special K had decided to make their flakes bigger and crispier before finally busting out into a fit of laughter at my expense. I'm just wondering what else has she fed me?
Ok, so we're at the restaurant and because of my complex ordering it is not a new experience to me when my order comes back incorrect. To me, it's not a big deal. I actually expect my order to be wrong just because there are so many alterations and the restaurant always fixes it so no worries. However, the dude in front of me evidently does not have that same easy-going attitude. The guy comes barreling up from his table and unpleasantly pushes himself past me so that he may lean across the counter and demand a manager. When the manager arrives, the disgruntled man proceeds to literally shove his receipt in the manager's face belittling and screaming the staff because there was lettuce on his sandwich. Ok first off he didn't even buy a real chicken sandwich, he bought the $0.99 one made out of unidentifiable compressed something so he should've been happy there was lettuce because at least it's organic. I was completely appalled by his degrading behavior towards the manager, and totally impressed with how the manager just stood there, listened, and was nothing but complacent with the man. The manager could have handled things very differently and no one in line would have thought less of him because the customer was completely out of line with his "you put lettuce on my sandwich" tantrum. After his order was corrected and he sat back down, I walked over to his table and stated these words of Martin Luther King Jr: "If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well."
I then proceeded to tell him, that even though that man may just be a fast food manager to him, he handled himself as a great street sweeper and he could learn a lesson on how to conduct himself properly from someone whom he thought was so beneath him. Unfortunately and unsurprisingly my message did not resonate with the irate man. However, I let it be known that no matter someone station, everyone's job is important.

choosing life is hard

September 8th kicked off National Suicide Prevention Week and World Suicide Prevention Day is September 10th. Being mentally, physically, and sexually abused on a daily basis up until I was 18yrs old, there were plenty of times when I thought suicide was my only option. If I could just make it all stop then I'd never have to deal with any of it ever again. God how I hated hearing that last school bell ring because I knew what I was going home to.
Suicide had it's appeal, but somewhere inside of me I wasn't going to let what was happening to me win. My body may have been abused, but I would not allow my soul to be taken as well. Choosing to live really is the hard way. Now that I'm older and no longer in that situation there are still triggers, nightmares, bouts of self worthlessness. However there is also laughter, love, and friendships.
I've recently spoken with a youth who has also questioned her ability to go on due to the bullying she receives. She often "self-harms" or cuts herself as her coping mechanism and while I told her that I am by no means a professional, I could tell her that she has worth, that who knows who she will grow up to be, whose lives will she touch in the future? One of my mantras is "Life will not always be this way."I had to tell myself that growing up, and even now there are some days when those words are enlightening.
So this week I encourage everyone to get involved with helping for Suicide Prevention Week. One of my favorite organizations is The Trevor Project www.thetrevorproject.org that deals predominately with LGBT youth. There's also the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention www.afsp.org who helps with understanding/coping and preventing suicide.
And because there are so many out there like me who would have never contacted an organization, just be nice to those around you. Give of yourself, show kindness, and truly love one another.

fashion in the field

Last weekend I was invited to attend the Happy Valley Fiddlers' Convention which takes place in a cow field- nope, I'm not lying. And it's not so much that a cow field is so unusual to me, I live in NC and I went to a high school where tractors were considered "first cars" and cow patty bingo was an actual fund-raising activity. Just wrap your mind around that for a second. If the cow relieves himself in your square, you are the winner... Anyway I truly loved my high school and the memories made there, but as I have gotten older I realized my heart has always belonged to the city. Nothing makes me happier than being immersed in the hustle and bustle beneath towering sky scrapers. And oh how I am deeply in love with fashion! I dream in Dior and believe that Coco Chanel is the 8th wonder of the world. The Devil Wears Prada is not only one of my favorite movies because Meryl Streep is so Haute in it, but because the clothes are just as much a character in the film as well.

 This being said, you can imagine my skepticism to attending a function where hay would be one of the main attractions. Immediately I allowed every stereotype to enter my mind. I was about to embark on a journey of hee-haw proportions.Would there be out-houses? Would there be full sets of teeth? As we approached the venue I whispered to my partner- "Don't let them know we're gay because rope doesn't look good on anyone." Normally when attending functions I embrace bow ties and dress shirts, however, I decided on my most inconspicuous A&F ensemble of a t-shirt and cargo shorts. Besides, I've never seen Tim Gunn wearing overalls so I wasn't about to. I did wear a toboggan to complete the look because accessories are what tie an outfit together. 

Alas, I could have been wearing a paper bag for all anyone cared because the focus of that function was one of pure harmony amongst the musicians as well as the attendees.It was an atmosphere where surprisingly there were all walks of life and economic statuses- we weren't even the only gays there! And while there was plenty of hay, tractors and overalls, there were also port-a-johns with antibacterial soap, full sets of teeth, food from hotdogs to prime-rib, and most importantly, friendliness. We were embraced by those around us who even held our hands as we participated in the cake walk and square dancing. We took a hayride along the river, and I even hung out with a band backstage.

 And although this Eva Gabor has no desire to go all Green Acres, it was definitely an experience that left me feeling richer. My heart still beats for the city, but there is a small piece of my soul at the base of a mountain in a cow field.